lets play a game, its called lame excuse

Because i'm mentally unstable.

Why?

Because I'm not in my library anymore.

Why not?

Because we can.

I'm addicted to music. Am I a junky for this?

It's because you take Yanni straight into the vein. He has to be diluted first or your hooked.

I watched Harry Potter #1 last night. Why did I snigger at Hooch the ENTIRE time she was talking?

Because she sounds like a mule.

Why is there a Frostbite Spider wherever I look in Skyrim?

Because everything else has taken an arrow to the knee.

Why does the island I work on smell like long dead salty fish and freshly puked beer given the rain should have washed the mardi-gras stench away yesterday?

Here I go. I was saving a cat that was stuck in a tree when a meteorite landed on James Bond's car that caused a nuclear reaction that blew me and the cat into the middle of an ocean. We were rescued by a group of fishermen, and then got caught in a whirlpool that made us sink all the way to Adlantis. The ship was then attacked by the Kraken. He threw us all the way to your island were everybody (including the cat) then vomited a weeks worth of food all over the place, hence the smell of freshly puked beer and long dead salty fish.

Why are you standing on a landmine?

Because I'm so awesome it won't blow me up purely out of respect, and i like to scare the crap out of people.

Why are you throwing lemons at little children?

'cause I'm evil.

Why are you staring at me like this?

Cause you so fat everywhere i look is just you.
Why am i too tired to go to the Funeral i should go to?

Because it's yours.

By the way, why everybody is dressed like penguins with an axe and no feet eating brains?

Because you are seeing things and need locked away in the rubber room.

Why did I put my friend in the Guillotine and pull the blade release?

Because you hate that stupid fat king, monsieur Robespierre!

Why you are you and not someone else? (this is metaphysical)

Because I am me, and if I were you you would be you and I would be you so you would be me so you would be me and I would still be you.

Why is there a zombie stuck in the toilet?

because you are a necromancer and you poop zombies.

why are my sinuses acting up so bad

Because you shoved a watermelon up your nose.

Why did I skin my next-door neighbor alive?

You wanted a nice new coat.

Why does life give you lemons?

To test how fire-proof it's house is

Why were you late to the meeting?

I was busy putting somebody's insides on the outside.

Why did I throw the mailman into a wood chipper?

To check it was on of course.

So why can't we stop here again?

Because the brake doesn't wooooorrkk.... SBAM!

And why do you have no head and are spilling blood while walking towards me?

Brraaaaaaains...

Mnnnnghhhh Brainsss?

Yes, of course.

Where's the toilet?

um your sitting on it.

Why did the company get the evil forbidden painfully irritating Scott's brand toilet paper

They were out of sand paper.

Why did the cow jump over the moon?