What grinds your gears?

It's 3:26 in the morning while I'm writing this. I'm semi-drunk, so forgive me for all my grammar errors. But I had a reason to get drunk.

I feel like my heart and mind are about to explode.

I have a total mess in my mind, I feel such an anger towards the world, fate or Allmighty, that I think I could break my arm by banging it onto the wall.

A little background to make the whole story understandable.

Three years ago I've met an interesting girl on the net. We chatted, I found we had lot in common, so I offered her that we'd meet up IRL. She was 14. Now, she's 17. We met up, we chatted more, we had a fantastic day. Then we got back online, and another meeting, you know the deal. After a year or so I had the pleasure to call her my best female friend even though she was much younger. It's tough to explain how we affected on each other and how our relationship, our friendship flourished.

To put it simply - after a while I was sure that I'd give my fuckin' miserable life for hers.

And yesterday I think I've got somehow into that position.

About 16:00 o'clock I've got a call from her. I heard a cry. A sobbing.

She told me her mother died.

Now, you may think it's not a big deal for one to loose his parent. Well, with her family thing is different.

Few months after she was born, her scumbag son-of-the-bitch father left her mother and her. Where he went - nobody knew. So, she was raised by her mother with a great deal of help of her mother's parents. Father's parents were dead even before she was born. And her mother's parents both died in recent years.

So, situation looks like that - girl is 17, she lost her mother, she has no one to take care of her besides some relatives (aunt, as far as I know) that live in Canada. In conclusion - she'll most probably put in a orphanage for a year and then, when she'll turn 18, she'll get kicked out.

Now, Polish law is ill. It's sick beond any measure that exists in that rotten world. One year is too small ammount of time for an institution like orphanage to gater enough sources to give a person a kickstart to an adult life. So, she'll be left on her own.

When I heard that news I've immediately added those facts I know to an one piece and I cried. I don't cry over a coffin, because the deceased are in better world, but I cry over the ones that they've left behind.

A person that I have a joy and pride to call my best friend is left with no roof over her head and no ground to walk on.

Her mother was still paying off a credit for an ap. she bought. The bank (aka. the lowlife scumbags) will most probably take the ap. for their own to "level the debt". Thus, she'll get nothing from her deceased mother. Not even a place to live.

We arranged a meeting today at 16:00 o'clock to talk, like friends do. She's alone in her ap., probably with some social-service worker. When I've heard that news I got out into the city to get myself drunk, because the tension was killing me. My thoughts were with her all the time. I drank two bottles of whisky and I still have this fucking pain clutching my chest. I want to kill someone, I cursed the god if he's out there.

I feel so fucking helpless.

And I'm afraid what I'll her from her, I don't have any idea what I'll have to say for her.

As I said, I have a chance to give a chunk of my life to help her.

I could adopt her.

But then again - our beautiful and logical law is in the way. It's nearly 100% impossible for a man to adopt a child and - god forbid - a female one. It's not a difference if he's rich or poor or if the child is old or young. "Miracles" like that don't happen in our beautiful country. And then we have taxes, childcare controls, in other words - money. Lot's of money and patience for a foster parents. That's the reason why our orphanges are filled with kids like a can of herrings.


I don't know, seriously. I have both of my hands, legs and brain but I can't find a way to help her.

I'm going to sleep, if I'll have the convenience to find it, and later, after I'll talk with her (wich I'm sure won't be an easy talk) I'll have to think once again.

Because I'm not gonna let this end like the way it's looking to be. I love her too much to let it slide.

Goodnight to you all and once again sorry for my grammar and tons of rambling.

Adopting her would be worth a try. What have you got to lose? If you are allowed to do so, then you will have helped her greatly, if you don't the situation will be the same as if you hadn't tried at all. Even if you aren't granted the adoption, at least you will have done SOMETHING to try and negate what would happen to her.

One thing I must say though, is if you do adopt her, you're going to have to change some of your ways and behaviors. You and I butt heads a lot, and you KNOW why. If you want to look like a decent enough man to be trusted with adopting a teenage girl, you're going to have to stop doing what you do concerning women. Being a pickup artist, going to strip clubds, or even buying hookers and the like, if you want to be successful in adopting her, all that has to stop. Seriously. I'm not saying this because it really, really rubs me the wrong, way, but because it's a really serious matter and I may be no expert on Polish adoption laws, but I do know that US adoption agencies look very carefully into the background and reputation of potential parents. Judging by what you say about the probability of a man adopting a girl, it would be in your best interest, and hers, to mature up. It's important to you, and I'm sure it's important to her, so really think about how that kind of lifestyle will reflect upon an attempt to adopt.

Well, you see if there would come to a interview with an adoption agency, then, due to the fact that she's minor, that is - 17 to 18, sometimes 21 in polish law and she has a quite huge quanity of her own choice when it comes to things where parents normaly (or in that case - adoption service) would decide on. So, she could support my interest during an interview but once again

I'm a male and polish adoption laws are working against men who want to adopt a child. During last ten years the only cases of men adopting a child were cases where parents were divorced, mother died and her biological father had the right to adopt her. Most men that visit a orphange are mostly laughed at. Single women don't have easy either, but still on 100 suppliants about 15 get lucky.

Nevertheless, if she'd like my idea I'll try. I was browsing through a lot's of forums asking people questions, I've checked on our legal code (wich honors married couples when it comes to adoption) and I'm still cheking out other options.

And I found that annother option.

I could marry her.
You see, it's annother oddity in our law. A man, in the light of law can marry when he's 18 or above while girl can be married when she's 16 or above. And no one makes problems with that (despite some little humming from public) even if the girl is 16 and the man is 56. As long as they don't make sex, because a 16 y.o. can go to bed with 21 y.o. max. Yet annother oddity.

But, facts are facts, it'd be an easier for me to get a civil marriage with her rather than adopt her. You get that?
So, today when I'll met her and she won't like the idea of adoption then what I should do? Kneel down an ask her for her hand?
Honestly, the last method would be the most easy to come into life in the light of law.

Seriously, I have a big muddle in my head right now.

Well, that would seem like the easier option, but that would depend heavily on how she feels. Marrying for the sake of conveinience, such as this case, could bring potential issues in the future. She's 17, so there is the possibility of future boyfriends. If she meets someone down the road and wants to be with HIM, would you let her? If she met someone she wanted to marry for love, you two would have to divorce first. It may also become difficult for her to meet a decent person that would be worth a relationship. Most people who are cool with dating a married woman aren't the most trustworthy, I really hope you know what I mean. I'm saying that should either one of you meet someone in the future, you would have to be willing, and prepared, to go through the divorce process.

drunken elves (my classmates)

Well, I just came home from a meeting with her and a social worker that was already assigned to her case. I think it's enough to say that she wasn't quite ready for making any decision towards her nearest future, considering her mother was the most important person on earth to her. Yet I had a chance to talk with that social worker of hers and I'm pleased to find that she's a reasonable person.

To my first idea, the idea of adoption, the worker only confirmed what I've already knew - I'm a single male wich means that I really don't have any chances of winning a possible case.

Marriage, on the other hand - as much as I don't like that idea - would work better. I and friend of mine, we could sing a marriage articles to prevent for having any stupid ideas (money, flat) and divorce eachother after she'd be over 18. And then no orphange would be interested in her as she'd be adult in the light of the law. Of course, she'd most probably live with me untill she'd found some other option.
Pandora, I don't look at that idea like for a real marriage with love & other shiny stuff. I consider it because it's the only way for me to keep her away from an orphange and being relocated to other city or region, meaning switching schools and friends. I'd only loose some money for marriage contract and divorce contract, plus a ugly looking, for some women, notation in my papers about my first wife. I think I could live with that.

Like I said, I hadn't had a chance to talk about upcoming matters with her as she was still in shock. Tommorow (or today considering it's 2:10 in the morning) the funreal will take place, I'm invited and maybe after that I could work some things up.

I think I can say for now, that despite the tragedy of one's death, the fate of my friend is somewhat secured.

After the funreal, her schoolmates took her to a side and I and the other adults, among with the two social workers and one lawyer from the office had to sit down and make few decisions. To my suprise and huge relief, parerents of her friend offered to play a role of a foster family wich is easier than adoption. All of the gathered crowd agreed on this solution.

Then I talked to her and her friend that soon she'll be her roomate, I guess, and asked if she's okay with that option besides obvious condolences. She agreed.

Well, I'm darn happy that it ended in a positive way. I've already promised that I'll keep in touch with her and her friends parents if there'll ever be any need of anything.

Still, it was heartwrenching seeing only her crying over her mother's coffin.

And now you won't have to marry anyone for now

Glad to see things work out for everyone there. I wish I had friends who would consider sacrifices like you did.

At 23:18 I've recieved a call from friend of my friend, the very one that lost her mother last friday.

My God. Putting these words in english, three hours after the event i still hard. It's so hard to put my thoughts into words of different language that I don't use everyday. It's even too hard to talk or think about it in my own language.

At 23:18 I couldn't belive what I've heard.
At 23:25 I saw my hands trembling as I tried to start up the engine of my car.
I was confused and scared. I couldn't comprehend what I've heard few minutes ago. I thought somebody made a cruel joke.

At that hours streets were almost empty, so I arrived at the scene fairly quickly.

Ambulances and police cars. I nearly forgot to lock my car. I entered hospital. A lady from the registration desk had a sad face when I asked my question where should I go.

Operation room. Ground floor. I went there and before it I saw a friend of my friend with her parents, the same that decided to take care of the orphaned girl. The girl was sobbing. Her parents had worried faces.

I was in turmoil. Sounds were, I don't know, somewhat muffled.

I sat down without asking any question besides this one - is she's in there. Yes, she was.

Hour passed. About hour. The operation room doors opened and a doctor with a green scrub came out. He had that kind of face that already held the anwser. Yet we waited for it. Some kind of fucking, pathetic hope.


My friend, wich lost her mother on the last friday and was took by her friend framily into a foster care took almost a whole bottle of sleeping pills and slit her wrists. Doctors couldn't save her. She died few minutes after midnight because she did it so well.


Fuck. This word, both in english and in polish is enough to describe what phrase assaulted my mind. I couldn't belive what I've heard even though my, so-called "deceased friend" classmate started to cry very hard. I thought I heard a fuckin' joke, some shitty cruel joke told in a bad manner. I wanted to strangle that doctor. I've hidden my head in my hands. I didn't cry because I couldn't belive what I've heard.

I and the father of her classmate were asked by a police officer that was waiting in the lobby to identify the body, standard procedure, as they said, simply because we were the only adults out there able to handle it. During that time the social worker that was assinged to her came into the hospital. He was asked to go along with us.

I don't want to write how she looked. Even though it wasn't gruesome, even though it wasn't a sight of macabre it was still horrible, seeing someone that I cared lying on a operation table. Without movement, breath and pulse.

We confirmed her identity. The policeman took notes.


I'd normaly be home earlier. But during my drive back home I had to stop on the sideway. Because when I was four kilometers before my home I fully realized what the hell just happened.

My friend that endured a terrible tragedy took her life away.

I came back home at 2:32 in the morning.

I have to show myself at the police station in Mokotów, Warsaw today till 16:00 to help them make a full report. I and her classmate along with her parents.

God fuckin' damn it.

I'm in pieces. What else can I say? I'm shattered.

And I'm sorry for writing this but at this hour all of my friends are sleeping and I just had to stuff the muddle that's sitting in my head somwhere.

Life is a joke. And I don't like the fucker who laughs at it's cruel sideways.

Know what grinds my gears? (J)RPG characters always using Swords.

Now don't get me wrong, I love swords; I think they're awesome. I love (J) RPG's. BUT, why does almost EVERY (J)RPG Protagonist have to have some kind of sword as a weapon? Be it Bastard/Katana/Heavy Blade/Twin Blade/Beam Katana/etc. whatever, there's almost always a sword in the main character's hands.

This is what makes me feel that swords are way overrated. I mean, no matter how cool you make it look, it's still another RPG S-W-O-R-D.

Sometimes, they're not swords, but they come close enough. Zidane uses daggers/knives, but hey, it's still like mini swords. I'm kinda looking for something that's not a brother/cousin/etc. of a sword. Daggers are like a son. >_>

A Scythe is acceptable. A club, a bow and arrow, a bo staff, etc. Something that doesn't have a sword as a "square root".

Sometimes games don't FORCE you to use a sword, but it's kinda still there, like Disgaea or games that let you choose your weapon like Elder Scrolls or Fable, but then again, in the end, the most powerful weapon you can obtain is a what? SOME KINDA SWORD!

We need more off-blade users as main characters. Characters like Ninten, Ness, and Lucas from the mother series, Xenogears, Parasite Eve, y'know.

I'm gettin' tired-o-swords. Enough! I love em', but give them a rest!

That's why my weapon of choice is a scythe. I can understand it's a bit arguable, having a blade and all on it, but usually it's on a 90° intersection with the handle, or something close to that, so I'm counting it as an off-sword. That and I like scythes. ^_^

Give me an RPG protagonist with a freakin' club or bo staff as their main weapon, and dammit, I'll play 'til my heart's content. That or 'til the game becomes a grindfest. ¬_¬

And that is what grinds my gears.

In all fairness Frist, why would someone NOT use a sword? True, it doesn't make sense in more modern settings (I'm looking at YOU, gunblade), but most everyone with a little wealth had a sword before guns were mass-produced. True, there are far more interesting weapons out there [take a look at some Indian blades], but those are unorthodox and require a great deal of skill to use effectively.

Oh, and would the scythe be an extension of the axe? What about pole-axes and halberds? Polearms and pikes were the weapons of the peasantry, who couldn't afford a sword...

I get it! You're a cheapskate! You don't have enough gold to spring for some well-made steely blade, so you're just running around with farm tools!

Triskelli wrote:In all fairness Frist, why would someone NOT use a sword? True, it doesn't make sense in more modern settings (I'm looking at YOU, gunblade), but most everyone with a little wealth had a sword before guns were mass-produced. True, there are far more interesting weapons out there [take a look at some Indian blades], but those are unorthodox and require a great deal of skill to use effectively.

Oh, and would the scythe be an extension of the axe? What about pole-axes and halberds? Polearms and pikes were the weapons of the peasantry, who couldn't afford a sword...

I get it! You're a cheapskate! You don't have enough gold to spring for some well-made steely blade, so you're just running around with farm tools!

Farm tools? Me? Puh-Leeeease. *slowly hides pitchfork*

No, but seriously, I have no problem with swords personally, I mean, I myself have a full scale model of the Fierce Deity Sword from Majora's Mask. Sharpened, I might add ^_^. It just irks me that almost every main RPG Character is a blademaster.

And as far as those other weapons taking more skill to use, I say.. MORE POWER TO EM'! Anyone can whip around a stiff sheet of metal - or several sheets depending on the size and girth of the sword - but seriously, mix it up a little.

I mean this may be a bit superficial, but look at Final Fantasy Dissidia. What does every hero character have? *points microphone to the audience*... That's riiiiiight. =_=

Every Hero needs a Bluddgering-Sword

(Bluddgerind-Sword: For those who don't know, Is a sword that has no need to be sharp, because it is already big enough to just be used as a large bat, But with a wedge to it... its a wood splitting Ax on a large scale.) In other words... Look at Clouds BreakerSword

Nikolai wrote:Every Hero needs a Bluddgering-Sword

(Bluddgerind-Sword: For those who don't know, Is a sword that has no need to be sharp, because it is already big enough to just be used as a large bat, But with a wedge to it... its a wood splitting Ax on a large scale.) In other words... Look at Clouds BreakerSword

You mean Buster Sword? Yeah, it's a behemoth alright, but nevertheless, still a sword. :P

That's not to say that you're arguing that it's not, I just throw my two.... four cents in.

While I can fully respect it being blunt, it still feels like a sword at heart.

I just see a Bluddgering-Sword as being a paddle turned on its edge and made of metal. hahaha

Nikolai wrote:I just see a Bluddgering-Sword as being a paddle turned on its edge and made of metal. hahaha

lol, that's a funny way to think of it. A paddle, heh; I-....*mind wanders*

....

..

Excuse my while I go relieve my bloody nose. *walks off*

Wow, uh, Pietja just said that his friend killed herself, and you guys are talking about swords.

Seriously guys?

Yeah, I kinda derailed the topic. >_>

No disrespect or anything, I was just inconsiderate. Sorry, Piet..

I had no idea. D: I didn't see that post. Im sorry...

No need for being sorry about anything. I just had to put some thoughts somwhere as it was late and every friend of mine was probably sleeping already.

Anyway it's so bizzare having annother funreal just week after the first one, again on sunday. Now I kind of managed to deal with the most chaotic thoughts, after few days and almost whole one spent on testyfing and getting to know how the heck it was possible for her to be able to do such a thing. Investigation is under way, but due to the fact that she was the last of her line I think it'll be waived.

Well, life goes on, but things like this one make me wonder. About lot's of things and unfortunately in a pessimistic way.

Ok., no more of this. There's no need to make this thread gloomy.

Gloomy, No. But more positive thoughts are necessary to help with things like this. Everyone needs a open ear to talk to. People go through tough times. Her body is gone. But her Life still lives on, in the people that she spent her time with, on this strange, difficult, world. She will live as long as she stays in your heart...

Im not a good person at making people feel good over "The Web", But i hope it means something, if anything. Take care Pietja, and send my "love/regards"(or whatever the f**k you want to call it) to her for me.

what he said (points at Nikolai)

Apparently my ex seems to think that I have nothing better to do with my time than come up with elaborate ploys to make him jealous.

Uh, no. Sorry. Don't flatter yourself.

Only tragedies latetly.

Yesterday and last night there was this huge rainfall - biggest in history of my city. I have the luck that I live on relatively high grounds, so I my flat wasn't flooded, but many other flats were. Including few of my friends. I lent a bed to one of them, as he was living alone like me and had pretty much nowhere else to go. Fortunately, he was only renting ap. he was living in, and he moved there recently, so besides some noteworthy electronic aparature and his own bed he's not so fuk'd like many others. Don't know about rest of my friends, but seeing news from tv I think they won't have as easy.

Biggest floods in my country since 1997 and the gov. still haven't done sh*** to prevent from situation like this.

Realising that having not drawn for a few days now means I can't draw. More specifically the art block set in again.

And it's unbelievably hot here too...

I hate hot places.