Corrupted Wish Game

Granted, you meet the actress and she's a total ball-busting c***. She kicks you in the crotch and causes your testicles to shoot up into your intestines.

I wish that I could have a pet lion.

Granted, you can have one. You just don't get one, but you still could.

I wish that a peaceful alien race would contact humanity.

Granted.
They do.
Lasers ensue.
It's their way of saying "Hi"...

I Wish I had a robotic heart-

Granted, your brand spanking new robot heart is twice as powerful as your old one.
So powerful in fact that it pumps blood too forcefully around your body and blows your head/limbs off.

I wish that i had the power to convince people to do whatever i wanted them to do.

Granted.
But one morning you wake up with a hangover and wish that everyone would just die...

I wish that the red king would awake and tear the world apart.

Granted. He pulls the world apart. A globe to be exact. (Maybe its a wordjoke in holland but IDK for sure about english)

I wish I had a good PC.

Granted.
But the power go out.
It will never return.

I wish I had a purpose.

you search long and hard to find one. When you do you realise it's the wrong purpose and once again you realise you don't have one.

I wish I could own a chain of competative racing insects.

You do.

However, they are physically chained together and every time one pulls away from the pack in a race, it pulls it's own limbs off, rendering it useless. With a heavy heart and tears in your eyes, you are forced to take one insect after another behind the shed and put them out of their misery with a really tiny shotgun.

After the 18th one has to be "retired", you sink your woes in alcohol, when your last remaining insect, limpy, crawls onto the rim of the glass and looks at you imploringly.

Your final insect, one you swore would never race due to it's incapacity. You decide to give it a chance. You enter it into a big national insect race. The odds are against Limpy, yet you pour the last of your money on him. He must win. Fate cannot have it any other way.

The race begins, Limpy is trailing behind. He tries valiantly but is failing. He glances at you, sees the hope fading in your eyes, and gives it one last push. He gains on the pack, overtakes several crickets and a daddy-long-legs. Victory is in his grasp. Just one last garden spider to overtake. The spider trips over one of his own legs, the field is clear for Limpy to take the win.

He does it. Limpy crosses the finishing line in first. The money is yours, Limpy has proven his worth despite great disability. You pick limpy up in your hands, and raise him to the sky, to show the assembled crown the victor. Alas, you push him too close to the lighting, and he is fried to death in an instant.

You look long and hard at his crispy corpse, tears dropping on your outstretched palm. Suddenly, Limpy twitches. Is he still alive despite his greivous injuries? No, it's the wind. Suddenly a bird drops from the sky and snatches the fried bod away and eats it.

You go home with your winnings, but now life is empty. You try to breed replacement Limpys by selective breeding then crippling them, but no other insects compare.

One night, you decide to end it all. Your emotions cannot be controlled. You step out of the window and plummet 3 foot to the garden below, where you sob for a few hours.

I wish my brain worked properly.

Granted, but now, like in the movie, "Pi," people won't stop asking you advanced mathematical questions. So much so, that you begin to see strange patterns in the universe, and convince yourself there is a mathematical equation for intelligent design. You drive yourself insane trying to figure it out and end up drilling a hole in the side of your head, just to relieve the stress. Your brain then goes back to the way it was before.

I wish my cat wasn't so stupid.

Granted.

But now you are stupid.

I wish that it rained at night and was clear at day with 21 degrees celcius.

Granted.
But at night, it rains nine ton artillery shells.
Which sucks.

I wish I could be the greatest being alive.

Granted.

You are now so big your head is in outer space. You can`t get air so you die.

I wish that I had a better earring.

Granted:you can take an old laptop,a perfect mic and sound analyzing software.
You will have better earing and,as bonus,text recollecting of speeches.

I wish I have life save/load ability and self-stat viewer.

Granted, but now everyone else in the world can see your stats too, and knows your weak points.

I wish people would use proper grammar on the internet.

Granted,you can make a script for auto-changing "internet" words to speech-use ones and also counterwise.

I wish everyone will be able to be resurrected in future.

I just want to point out you not really corrupting peoples wishes.

He's certainly corrupting the English language.

26_994 wrote:Granted,you can make a script for auto-changing "internet" words to speech-use ones and also counterwise.

I wish everyone will be able to be resurrected in future.

granted, but on the terms that you don't get Resurrected. but you go deep in to He11 forever burning.

I wish for a sandwich.(that has no dead rat, nothing that can kill me, nothing to make me ill, or sick, or wanna puke, not even a human part in it.)

Granted - go to the nearest shop and buy some bread,sausage,mayo,sour cream and something in greengrocery.
Or buy it in resturant.

I wish to become 4-years old.

Granted, but however to become 4 years old, you will have to wait until you die, then reborn.

I wish for a pizza.

Granted, but the pizza guy delivering it gets caught by a black hole, fortunately he survives without a scratch, can't say the same for your pizza though...

I wish I was corrupting a wish

Granted,you're alredy have it.

I wish I have 129-cm heat-radiator

Granted, but you and everything around burned to a crisp after turning it on.

I wish i could leave reality at will

Granted, you can't get back.

I wish I had a pickle.