What shifts you smoothly?

BeDaOrLiSeAr wrote:Haloninja999


but i must warn you:
I am a noob; a noob who is bad enough to be better at High Explosive than wardriving.

I'm a guy who throws stuff at anything hoping to kit and I love Akimbo Weapons.

Damien Darkside

I love having a unique name.

Damien Darkside wrote:

BeDaOrLiSeAr wrote:Haloninja999


but i must warn you:
I am a noob; a noob who is bad enough to be better at High Explosive than wardriving.

I'm a guy who throws stuff at anything hoping to kit and I love Akimbo Weapons.

Damien Darkside

I love having a unique name.

I've got to be the most boring person to play with. that 92 minute mission wasn't my first near that length. Before I knew you could run through the entire evasion mission, I would spend an hour atleast crawling through it, snipping everything.

Quite a deal acctually... Going to your girlfriend with absolutely NO idea what your gonna do...

You find out that shes been doubting for 2 weeks... *eversince her Jamaica trip*.

She broke up with me yesterday. I don`t know what to do. I honestly don`t. Allready talked with her. We are staying friends. Wich is quite rare in Holland.
My mind is a total chaos. I can`t put my thoughts on here. They just come and go to rapidly. Writing always helps with me *as you people noticed twice before... making this the 3th time*.

We hang around closely for 9 months.

Note to myself: Next time choose a girl that is 2 years younger (and not 2 months) and in the same Educational rankings.

*Broken hearted and darkminded state*

After many relationships with girls younger than me, I went for a girl older than me and it has been going out great. Since you are 17 I am assuming you are still in whatever passes for high-school in Holland.

Wait until you hit whatever passes for College in Holland. Girls in college are WAY better.

College is kinda... Pre-University here... Thats the league my ex is in. But I talked to lots of peoples allready... and I will just see what comes at my path.

Damien Darkside wrote:
Wait until you hit whatever passes for College in Holland. Girls in college are WAY better.

I was thinking the same about four years ago.

My God, how was I mistaken.

Pietja wrote:

Damien Darkside wrote:
Wait until you hit whatever passes for College in Holland. Girls in college are WAY better.

I was thinking the same about four years ago.

My God, how was I mistaken.

Explain

Damien Darkside wrote:Explain

With age, though I'm not a sage (rhyming I do!), I came up to a conclusion that high-school/early university girls bring the most happines to my organs of lust without tormenting my casual way of being.
Older, that is 21-28 with some cases among older age group tend to envoke disturbing annoyance in my skull chamber, although they're still great if all they seek is an occasional, hedonistic fufilment. Still, the group I've mentioned previously is far more pleasurable and, in most cases I've met, easier to acquire.

Don't know about long-term relationships though. Didn't tried that since about last year of high-school or so.

My life seems a bad timing at the moment. Probably my Grandpa has Cancer. Uncurable. Sucks...

Xenathos wrote:Probably my Grandpa has Cancer. Uncurable. Sucks...

My grandmother had an intestinal cancer. Seeing someone with that stuff lying in a hospital bed can make you an euthanasia enthusiast.

But this is what shifts you smoothly thread. So off with that stuff to what grind your gears topic.

Solitude switches me smoothly, both in small and in large ammounts.

Info for the curious - english language has two words loneliness and solitude wich both mean one and the same in polish. Samotność. And it has the meaning of the first one, rather than the 2nd, wich makes it a very negative word, and an unwanted feeling or state of being. I quite upset because of that, because I like being alone by choice. I have friends, colleagues, family, etc., but I like my own companion for most of the time. And I can't express it in one word, when talking in polish. I can't say I that I like solitude, because it means, in polish, that I like loneliness wich make most people think, that there is something wrong with me and that I need a company, etc., etc.
A linguistic fun fact, I guess.

Pietja wrote:

Xenathos wrote:Probably my Grandpa has Cancer. Uncurable. Sucks...

My grandmother had an intestinal cancer. Seeing someone with that stuff lying in a hospital bed can make you an euthanasia enthusiast.

But this is what shifts you smoothly thread. So off with that stuff to what grind your gears topic.

Solitude switches me smoothly, both in small and in large ammounts.

Info for the curious - english language has two words loneliness and solitude wich both mean one and the same in polish. Samotność. And it has the meaning of the first one, rather than the 2nd, wich makes it a very negative word, and an unwanted feeling or state of being. I quite upset because of that, because I like being alone by choice. I have friends, colleagues, family, etc., but I like my own companion for most of the time. And I can't express it in one word, when talking in polish. I can't say I that I like solitude, because it means, in polish, that I like loneliness wich make most people think, that there is something wrong with me and that I need a company, etc., etc.
A linguistic fun fact, I guess.

Bloody hell, that's a tricky language to translate english words into properly.

(Been a while since I've come here...Real Life took presidence...)

What shifts me smoothly...

Well, I got offered an understudy role in a PAYING show that may actually just give the role to me altogether...

And I'm getting my 5th tattoo this Friday.

This'll be in caps, but for a reason :

THANK HEAVENS FOR TEENAGE GIRLS!

and the reasonable age of consent.

It's my birthday!!!

HOLY FUCK HAPPY BIRTHDAY

THANKS!

"If you'd do that, I'd beat you to a bloody pulp" - heard from a female acquaintance o'mine today.

That phrase always makes me smile.

Good Morning America has contacted me about speaking with them on camera about tocophobia!

May I ask you when did you got that phobia and the reasons behind it, if you're going to talk about it in national TV? And what does your fear looks like - do you fear the very thought of being pregnant(i.e. the thought of having another living organism inside of you) or just giving a childbirth(wich is one of the reason why many females decide to have caesarean section, as far as I know)?
I know this question might be unfitting, because phobias are per se irrational, but are there any rational explenations behind it, behind your example?
I only know one close example, of my friend being born by caesarean section, because his mother was afraid of giving "proper" birth because of complications that she had with previous child(long and difficult childbirth, nearly 24h long). That is pretty rational fear, IMO., but I kind of can't understand the fear of having another organism in your body(well, besides obvious and harmful parasites). Fear of the very childbirth, I can partially understand, from the physical side of the act.

But I think it's a very interesting case of phobia, especially considering we have tons of women who are striving to get pregnant and are choosing in-vitro method, wich is illegal in my country, for example. It kind of shows the polarized views on the act of childbirth and pregnancy.

I hope someone of your family or friends will record that show.

Any chance of seeing it on youtube or somwhere?

Who says Pandora has that phobia? Maybe he/she (sorry, don't know) is simply an expert on the subject?

scienceguy8 wrote:Who says Pandora has that phobia? Maybe he/she (sorry, don't know) is simply an expert on the subject?

She wrote about it before, I don't remember if this was on this or the older forum.

I just hope it's not rude for me to ask about her personal views on it.

I don't think my arachniphobia is irrational. I am allergic to their venom, and if bit. I will die.

Though I do try my hardest to stay out from underneath trees. I hate when they make webs and you walk into them.

and I have handheld vacuums throughout the house. I also bug bomb the place once a month.


Maybe it is irrational. Except the dieing part.

Phobias are irrational, because they're overblown fears.

Do you fear non-venomous spiders? If yes, then you are arachnophobic, but are you really afraid of them or you're afraid of hypothetical judgement of yours that even those little fellas can be venomous? Are you afraid of the thought itself?

If so, then you're afraid of venom or from the very though of dying. And if you're afraid of venomous spiders, not the little fellas then you don't have arachnophobia, nor phobia. Maybe in case of venom itself, but not spiders.

But if you're afraid of both cases, then you are phobic and it is irrational, because, afrer all, what harm can a little non-venomous crawler can do to you?
Same goes for webs, or balooning of spider webs that fly at your face during autumn.

But then again, modern usage of the word -phobia also means a strong aversion to something or someone... IMO it's a harmful dillution of the words and meanings.

Who says Pandora has that phobia? Maybe he/she (sorry, don't know) is simply an expert on the subject?

I'm female. Pandora is a female name (the first woman created by the gods in Greek mythology.) And I did.

May I ask you when did you got that phobia and the reasons behind it, if you're going to talk about it in national TV?

Well, when I was younger, my sexual education was kind of backwards. I had my first sex ed "class" when I was in 4th grade. They told us that girls get their periods when they hit puberty. They told us that the egg goes into the uterus and if it doesn't attach, then the woman will menstruate. That's it. They didn't tell us anything else. Not until the fifth grade when they told us that the baby does, in fact, grow in the uterus, NOT the stomach. Why they couldn't have told us in the 4th grade, I don't know. ANYWAY. We figured out that the baby has to come out of a very small opening, but basically the education was sperm+egg=baby. Baby comes out of mom. And everything is sunshiney and happy when you hold your first child, JUST DON'T DO IT WHEN YOU'RE A TEENAGER BECAUSE IT'S EXTREMELY HARD TO BE A TEEN PARENT (which it is...not faulting them on that information...). One thing no one bothered to mention was the toll it actually takes on a woman's body, aside from the obvious growth in the belly. It wasn't until I was actually in high school that I heard three words from my aunt when talking about her experience birthing her first child, "THIRD DEGREE TEARS." Yes. TEARS. As in she was ripped open, literally RIPPED, when giving birth. From that point on, I learned more and more about the reality of pregnancy and childbirth. The backpain, the stretch marks, the hormones, the susceptibility to gestational diabetes, the weight gain, mucous plugs, aneurisms, lack of privacy, different kinds of injections and blood tests, and that's before the water even breaks. I learned that the only reason my aunt was ripped so badly is because the doctors couldn't cut her fast enough. Apparently, when a woman is not a candidate for a cesarian, they just cut her vagina open wider anyway, because it causes less trauma than ripping. So, either way, the genitals get mutilated. A lot of women even give birth in piles of their own excrements because of all the pushing. Another family member of mine had been torn so badly that her body built up so much scar tissue, that the SCAR TISSUE had to be surgically removed. Cesarian is not an option for me either, because then the stomach just gets cut open instead, and I'd STILL have to deal with everything else regardless.
Now, after learning all this, I saw a picture of a woman giving birth...it made me nauseated. I tried to get through an actual birthing video, and I had to turn it off before the baby even started coming out. The woman was naked from the waist down, only wearing a flimsy hospital gown, open in the back, and there were several people hovering around her spread legs. Touching it with odd tools, setting more strange tools next to her. The sight of it made me feel uncomfortable, because it touched on one of my other fears of being raped.

And what does your fear looks like - do you fear the very thought of being pregnantI know this question might be unfitting, because phobias are per se irrational, but are there any rational explenations behind it, behind your example?

I'm afraid of being pregnant, but not because of having something else inside me, because of what it will lead to for my body. Every woman is different, yes, but that just means that I won't be able to predict what would happen to me, and that makes me even less comfortable about it. I don't like it when I'm not in control of my own body. It's my body, no one's property but my own, and I choose what happens to it, what or who touches it, and who sees what parts of it. If every woman is different with pregnancy, how will I know what will happen to my own body, what will the doctors tell me they need to do to me, etc. I think this is a perfectly rational fear. I don't like it being called irrational, because I do have legitimate reasons for not wanting it. Aside from that, I don't think that I should HAVE to do this. Pregnancy is a choice, not an obligation. I think this "phobia" shocks a lot of people because it not so much steps outside of gender role expectations, as pole-vaults over them. This has gone from an admittance of fear, to accepting it, to trying to validate my existance as a real woman, and a human being, still deserving of respect.

Fear of the very childbirth, I can partially understand, from the physical side of the act.

Why only partially?

But I think it's a very interesting case of phobia, especially considering we have tons of women who are striving to get pregnant and are choosing in-vitro method,

I'm not other women. I'm me. And just because other women do it doesn't mean that I have to. A lot of people have said, "Well, there are lots of women who want to have kids and can't, y'know."

To which I say, "So what?" That means nothing to me. What am I supposed to do, get pregnant and have kids because these women can't? Get pregnant and give my kids to them? I fail to see the reasoning behind a comment like that. Just because I CAN get pregnant, doesn't mean that I SHOULD, nor does it mean that I HAVE to.

And the woman from Good Morning America called me once, said she was going to call back, but hasn't yet. Soooo, Dante and I are preparing for it to fall through. Though, being interviewed by ABC for their report on it was pretty cool.

Thanks for your comprehensive reply. It's very informative as it shines some light on quite a few things.

Your anwser shows how strong you feel as an individual. It shows a strong feeling of integrity, uniqueness, which are, in my opinion, besides "sex ed" you've recieved from your school education and stories from your relatives, the main reason for the tokophobia. You underline it in every reply you gave.

For sex ed here, I can only tell that we had one class about it, 45 minutes of talking in 4th grade, which means we had 10-11 years old. The topic of sex and reproduction was skipped on biology class(nowdays it's obligatory, so blame it on the ed-system reforms) and those one-time classes we had were seperated between groups of boys and girls. So, boys didn't know much about how girls work, girls didn't knew much about how boys work. Ironically, from what I remember, they didn't know too much either about how they work besides being inseminated, pregnant and delivering a child. I still remember we, boys that is, came out from class a little bored, a little entertained, laughing from seein pee-wees and female parts and how girls came out pale-faced with eyes wide open and said things like "I don't want to get pregnant/I don't want to get children".
God know what scares they've been given, I belive they were - like in case of your school and schools everywhere in the world for that matter - aimed at teenage pregnancies, thus, it's aim was to make sex an awful experience for young girls. Can't say it worked, as some girls from my class started being sexually active about 6th grade. Don't know if it helped in case of teenage pregnancies. You hear more about them now, but I don't know if it's the case of media having a wider-spectrum of interest or because it is indeed a recent fact - which is hard to belive in.

As for stories about childbirthing, as a boy, I never heard much. All that I knew it's painful, peroid. Because Eve sinned, her descendants will deliver children in great pain, no much explenation besides that one on religion lessons(obligatory in our beautiful country).
Besides, sex ed was, and still is today, at least in case of boys, done by discovering porn. It's ten times easier nowdays because of the internet, and I honestly belive that at least 2 on 10 healthy 12-16 years olds could name a few live-streaming adresses with the goodies of HD booty. You don't have to borrow, in secrecy, of course, porn mags from your uncle, father or older brother. Like in the word of the song "grab your dick and double click for porn, porn, porn". It's a convenient "sex ed" because to this day parents, schools and society is scared about talking sex in front of children. And yet the sexual adverts are aired during the daytime, phone-companies that provide wallpapers and other stuff like that openly advertise their porn movies on magizine pages(although obstructed by stamp or mosaic) and every parent and elementry school is obliged to scare children with child molesters, ups, sorry, they call them "pedophiles", wich can do something bad to them, but that "bad" is greatly unspecified. And if a boy ask his father about sex, he'd mostly get a porn movie to watch or he'd be so jinxed on it, that afterwards he'd want to go out ad score some broad. That is what sex ed looks like here.

The part when you talked about the unknown effect the pregnancy can do to your body is an evidence why it is called phobia for a reason. You have examples from your family members on about their prenancy effects, very vivid, from what you wrote and on the one hand it has a reasonable background. It can be genetic, if it happened in your family often, so the fear has a reasonable basis. But still, the very fact that you don't know scares you, is a point for calling it a phobia. It's an anxiety, more that a scare, but deep and prolonged anxiety often leads to overreacting when actual case of anxiety will take place. Besides, there are also women who had a change of heart while they found out they're pregnant, after seeing untrasonography image. They were also afraid, but it shows that you don't know what might happen. And the fear of the unknown is a phobia.
Tokophobia may shock people, which I'd understand if they're conservative folk. But if a person calls itself liberal and is shocked by this phobia, then he's being hypocritical. So if your relatives or friends are conservative, don't expect for them not to be shocked. Concrete crumbles with years, decades. It may seem hard and it may sound bizarre, but they have their point, when it comes to course of nature view. Despite that the culture might not necessarily demand a women to get pregnant, nature still does and there is no "pole-vaulting" over her rules, the same way there is no way to "pole-vault" over views of a conservative person.

As I wrote, I can only partially understand the fear of childbirth from physical side of it, thus, from the pain threshold view. I don't have the female body to understand it fully and I belive that no matter how empathetic can man be, he will never understand the whole bio-chemical process on emotional field. Nature didin't created us equal, and pregnancy is one of the examples why we'll not be able to understand each other despite the cultural advancement, if you belive in that one.

Again, in your last reply you strongly underlined your integrity as a defense for accusations of others. They have a point, and you could understand it if you'd try to get in boots of a person who's striving to have a child. Don't expect people to understand tokophobia if you reply in "so what" manner to a different opinion about not having the possibility to have children. It's good that you feel strong as an idividual, but don't forget about other side of the coin, about the society you have to live in. If you'd talk with, I belive, any European about US citizens, about the traits they have, you'd hear that they have a big need and sense of personal space and integrity. To the point of isolation, as some scholars may say.

The only thing that really boogled my mind is connecting childbirth to rape. Pretty drastic comparsion if you ask me. And I don't know if very fitting.

To sum up, I'd like to say that I was only voicing my opinion about the case. It wasn't my intent to moralize, preach or change your point of view despite you might feel this way and despite it probably seemed that way. Nevertheless, I'd be glad if you'd take some of my points under consideration, because "the devil's not so black as he is painted", even in your own mind.

Hope you will get an invitation.

(P.S. - both of you? Is it intended to be a program for pairs?)